Dear Michael,
It has been one year now since you left us. They say time heals wounds, but not this deep, no it is still rotting away at my heart; there is a hole in my chest that is emptier now than ever. I know you are in a better place but I am sorry that I am selfish and I still want and need you here with us. You were our escape, you were our hearts, and now where do we turn? We are your lost children now and a year later we are still crying and mourning. Ever since I was born I knew who you were, I grew up with you, you were my best friend, you loved me just like my family did, without any restrictions or limitations, just like you did your own children. Whenever I was lonely you were there. No matter how many times they tried to beat you down, you remained humble, and loving, and innocent, and caring. You told us on that magical night, “My children are your children. We are family, never forget this. It was YOU who put your heart on the line [during Sony demonstrations of 2002]; it was YOU who stepped forward to defend someone you loved. It was YOU on a worldwide basis who supported me as my army of love. Whenever there was injustice against me because of jealousy as you know, you were always there and you were always loyal and I love you forever for this.” We have always loved you more Michael.
It has been said that one will never be forgotten as long as they are remembered by at least one person. You are remembered today by the entire world, and beyond. We knew what we had, we knew what they tried to do to you, we fought for you with everything that we had. When they tried to bring you down, when they tried to hurt you, using the very thing that you loved so deeply, we were there for you to fight back and through many tears and sleepless nights, God and LOVE won. Yet how do we fight back now? How do we move on without forgetting every tiny memory that you gave us? So many memories that I don’t want to forget, so many people that I don’t want to say goodbye to, that I want to remain in my life forever. The many trips to Neverland, each time getting that opportunity to experience such magic that it lent us, we never wanted to leave, even when they destroyed it, the magic never died. Spending so many sleepless nights outside your hotel or where ever the occasion led us, spending time with the people we loved so much and who understood exactly our love for you as they loved you just as much. Yes, God used you as an “instrument of nature”, through His many gifts you showed the world how to be compassionate, how to love, and even though it hurt you many times, how not to judge a person no matter what they’re background. You were my role model, my teacher, my inspiration. Even before I got to know you, and know so many others who were a part of this world wide family, you were there for me. I would go to sleep hugging my radio as it played Off the Wall every night, or the Jackson Five…for so many years you were my lullaby.
Thank you Michael, thank you so much for everything you sacrificed. You couldn’t go out, you couldn’t lead a normal life because of us yet you never blamed us, but instead embraced us with the greatest might. Thank you, Michael for your love, for your music, for your dance. They judge us, they ridicule us even now. They will never understand the connection we had with you and why we hurt so much even now. They were not there when it mattered. They were not there when the world was throwing stones and arrows with all their might. When we stood strong and unwavering, when you grew weak and weary we sent our love to hold you high. No, they were not there during the “darkest hour, in your deepest despair, in your trials and tribulations, through your fear and confessions, in your anguish and your pain, through your joy and your sorrow.” Is it wrong now to criticize them? Now that the world sees what we knew all along, just how deeply special you were, and how we cherished every moment we had with you? Perhaps we shouldn’t judge even though it stings us so, perhaps it is just another way that God has used you to show how powerful love can be.
I am not sure where we go from here. A year later and the pain still burns deep inside us, while you are finally at peace. Yes, I know you are in a better place and performing for the Heavens. No, we will never forget you, we will forever keep your legacy alive and I hope that our memories will live on forever. “You make me shine, like the stars that twinkle at night, I love you.” Thank you for being my friend, for being you, for giving us so much.
[Speechless by Michael Jackson]
Your love is magical, that's how I feel
But I have not the words here to explain
Gone is the grace for expressions of passion
But there are worlds and worlds of ways to explain
To tell you how I feel
But I am speechless, speechless
That's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am far away and nothing is for real
When I'm with you I am lost for words
I don't know what to say
My head's spinning like a carousel, so silently I pray
Helpless and hopeless, that's how I feel inside
Nothing's real, but all is possible if God is on my side
When I'm with you I am in the light where I cannot be found
It's as though I am standing in the place called Hallowed Ground
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am far away and nothing is for real
I'll go anywhere and do anything just to touch your face
There's no mountain high I cannot climb
I'm humbled in your grace
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am lost for words and nothing is for real
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am far away, and nothing is for real
Speechless, speechless, that's how you make me feel
Though I'm with you I am lost for words and nothing is for real
Speechless Your love is magical, that's how I feel
But in your presence I am lost for words Words like, "I love you."
There will always be a hole in my heart that was once filled by your presence. At times it is at peace knowing that you are no longer suffering. However, it continues to bleed for the loss of you. I love you forever, Michael.
Rebecca Reza
June 25, 2010
Michael Jackson
1958 - Forever