The Gravel Road

Stuck in a hole, in slow motion, emotions running rampid. I did it again didn’t I? I swore I never would, I struggled so much the last time. We needed each other, that’s what I try to tell myself. I’m tired of doing this alone, I’m tired of feeling like this! What is this, is it a curse? No, that’s too dramatic. Then what? I don’t need medication, I can get through this but I’m still alone. I want to be alone, sometimes. It hurts, I want to leave but I can’t, need to finish what I started. 10 years have gone by and what do I have to show for it? Good stories, travels, interesting people, but I’m still at home. I miss Michael, I miss Mikey, I miss it all so much. Needing to move on, I hope he leaves, I hope he goes away for good. It will do me some good I think. This secret that we keep, is eating away at me. We go to a party…he sits as far away as he can. His chuckle, that resonates in my head. I can’t hear what people are saying to me, all I hear is his chuckle. Is he afraid that it will show? Is he afraid of me? Is it not obvious already? It’s not worth it, none of it is. I am worth more than all of it. I’m tired, can’t get enough sleep, I’m hating all of it. It’s eating away at me little by little. 3 hours, 6 hours, 9 hours, never enough, perhaps 12? I need to get away…